kristin has been a bad kristin
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
