i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
