I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
