I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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