found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
where am i from again
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
