so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
