So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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