So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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