i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
