It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
