You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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