she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
