They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
