to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
