He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
