people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
