I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
