I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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