You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
