just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
