it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
