Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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