Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Holy sore nipples Batman
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
