I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
