my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
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i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...