Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
