he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dating After Heartbreak
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club