ADVERTISEMENT

• (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.

  Fav 4 1430 853

  share tweet
  

• (613): View more from Ontario

  i told him im from Canada, abortion is free

  Fav 137 4768 1484

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.

  Fav 31 7265 1265

  share tweet
  

• (714): View more from California

  She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.

  Fav 17 7055 2520

  share tweet
  
• 

  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.

  Fav 22 5396 1527

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.

  Fav 3 1055 3375

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (856): View more from New Jersey

  i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.

  Fav 13 1369 2920

  share tweet
  

• (760): View more from California

  But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy

  (530): View more from California

  I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast

  Fav 11 3508 828

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti

  Fav 1 1379 826

  share tweet
  
• 

  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (971): View more from Oregon

  It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.

  Fav 5 586 1008

  share tweet
  

• (801): View more from Utah

  He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.

  Fav 1 585 965

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (1918): View more from

  If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.

  Fav 6 724 1181

  share tweet
  

• (989): View more from Michigan

  We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.

  Fav 2 791 476

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.

  Fav 1 222 92

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.

  Fav 0 43 11

  share tweet
  

Randomize