I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.