he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off