a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
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Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.