Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?

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(845): I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back? http://tfl.nu/r4ga

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(443): View more from Maryland

why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?

(410): View more from Maryland

haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background

(443): View more from Maryland

that only happened once.

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(443): why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag? (410): haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background (443): that only happened once. http://tfl.nu/9rml

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(404): View more from Georgia

He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.

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(404): He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like. http://tfl.nu/89fc

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(406): View more from Montana

someone owes me an orgasm

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(406): someone owes me an orgasm http://tfl.nu/u7wj

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(941): View more from Florida

I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"

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(941): I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is" http://tfl.nu/uvfs

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(805): View more from California

It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"

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(805): It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!" http://tfl.nu/5h66

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(203): View more from Connecticut

just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex

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(203): just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex http://tfl.nu/zx0t

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(860): View more from Connecticut

My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.

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(860): My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you. http://tfl.nu/g8rz

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(913): View more from Kansas

Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.

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(913): Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/4gbf

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(214): View more from Texas

So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.

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(214): So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest. http://tfl.nu/6468

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(206): View more from Washington

AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!

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(206): AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN! http://tfl.nu/o93p

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(732): View more from New Jersey

She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.

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(732): She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type. http://tfl.nu/2pbk

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet

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(803): Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet http://tfl.nu/m2pn

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(847): View more from Illinois

We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.

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(847): We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude. http://tfl.nu/9etc

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(314): View more from Missouri

struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.

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(314): struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window. http://tfl.nu/5555

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