Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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