distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
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I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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