Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
