He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize