I am in a vortex of obligation.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
