Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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