Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
