I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
