I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
