My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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