Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
