false alarm. still invincible.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
