2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My room smells like vodka and shame
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can't put those talents on a resume
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
