OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
