i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
