Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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