Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
