You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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