my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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