it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
