the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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