I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
