I'm sorry my penis didn't work
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
