dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
