Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
