she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
