Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
