just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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