She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
