I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
