Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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