Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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