why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
