Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
