Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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