i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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