I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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