my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
