What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We got so high we made milksteak
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
