Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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