Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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