I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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