jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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