her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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