I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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