i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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