Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
