What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Someone signed my nipple.
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