You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
