"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I want a musical about memes.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
