Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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