your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
