Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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