You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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