all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You don't make any sense
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