weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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