Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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