I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
