Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
