Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
