Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
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I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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