I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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