Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
