Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
