Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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