i just wanna soil my oats bro
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
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