some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
