take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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