haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm passing your future prison.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Two words: blizzard sex
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
