sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
