made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
